Seeping Sasori
by autographontheradio
Summary: The reason why Sasori doesn't join in singing on weekends with Deidara and Hidan, singing at the top of his voice.


The Akatsuki could easily be divided into two social groups: Those who drank.

...Those who didn't.

Those who obviously got intoxicated quite highly every bar weekend: Deidara, Hidan, Kisame, Pein, Konan, Zetsu's white half.

Those who didn't: Itachi, Kakuzu, Zetsu's black half, Sasori.

Now, Kakuzu's drinking days were over, Itachi preferred to watch everyone drunk rather than himself, Zetsu's black half was already scary as it was, and then there was Sasori. Whom claimed to have never drunk before.

So Deidara decided it was his _duty_ to get his Danna to have at least a _tiny-weeny little sip _of something alcholic. He'd die a lonely man in a 15-year olds body...

* * *

"Y'know," Hidan said, not bothering to swallow his drink before talking, liquid seeping over his mouth and onto his chest, "If he claims to be a puppet and shit, like, all of him, his tongue would be wooden and wouldn't be able to taste anything?"

"Well he says he doesn't feel anything," chimed in Deidara, taking a swig.

"So if he can't feel anything, so what if something hits him on the ass? Does he turn around?"

Deidara stared at the contents of his glass before responding, "I don't know if he has an ass or not, un."

The two in union turned their seats to face the puppeteer in a far corner. He was playing a card game with Kakuzu. Hidan rolled his eyes. Such old farts.

NOW, in that situation, what would Deidara and Hidan be playing?

Strip poker, of course!

But Kakuzu would kill him... in Kakuzu-threatening ways of course. It always left Hidan with usually either a broken neck or no limbs. Or he would stare at Hidan for a little longer than usual, eyes going down...

Anywaybacktothematterbeforethesubjectsuddenlychangedtokakuzu'sextrodinaryperviness.

"Boring, hmm." Deidara commented on the two of them. "There like in a freakin' nursing home. Kakuzu's already old and Sasori's in that thing all the time. That really pisses me off, what Hiruko is."

"A fugly scorpion with shit for arms?" Hidan suggested. "That's what it looks like."

"Danna isn't fugly! He's a piece of art!"

"Bullshit. You stupid artists don't know a thing about art."

Deidara turned towards his drinking mate and threw his drink at him. Alcohol splashed onto the Jashinist's face, the liquid dripping down to his collarbone. "So what's your opinion on art, yeah?"

"There isn't one... Oh, except I knew this person who put himself on a canvas and blew himself up with exploding tags. Blood everywhere - he sacrificed himself for art, hahaha!"

"Sick, man."

"True, Blondie..."

They fell silent while Hidan took his cloak from the floor to wipe his face free. Meanwhile, Kakuzu whispered something to Sasori which made him get out a scroll and change into his original state. Not that Deidara cared a lot. When you were a little intoxicated, nothing really mattered all that much. It took a while for both of them to start singing with the bartender who gave them a uninterested look and turned away, to serve a customer.

* * *

The two of them wondered over to Kakuzu and Sasori.

"Still playing that stupid game?" Hidan used Kakuzu as a chair, almost startling the Akatsuki treasurer as him and Deidara had crept so quietly to them. "Hey 'Sori, he has two clubs-" Kakuzu elbowed him out the way with enough force to crush his cheek. He fell onto the ground quite dramatically. Deidara giggled.

"Yeah! Go Kuzu! Beat him up, ja!"

"Deidara," Sasori inputted, slamming his cards suddenly to the table with a thunk, "Go back to your seat and stop annoying Kakuzu and I!"

Deidara pouted. "You've been playing that retarded game for hours, un!"

"It's not retarded, kid."

"You're retarded! You're like a friggin anorexic, hmm! Cause you don't eat or drink! So are you, Hidan's friend... _hic._.. what ever your name is again, un."

"You said it 30 seconds ago, Deidara."

"Dei would never do such a thing!" Hidan sounded shocked. "Seriously! Hey Dei, come with me! We'll be back!" Sasori smirked openly as Hidan pecked his partner on the cheek before jumping over tables to get back to what they were doing before.

"God, he really likes you, doesn't he?"

Kakuzu nodded, putting down two cards. "He's always like this when he's in a pub..."

* * *

"And you can't say-"

"Hidan, you can't say it!"

"-In Canada, saying-"

"Hey!"

"Not's very nice at all, if you can't say _Cunt_ in Canada, then ask the sheilas what they call it... And they said muff, moot, minge, quin, twat, little flower twinkle tunnel of love!"

"...You said it."

"Said what, blondie!?"

"The "c" word! _Oh my god_ Konan would so kill YOU if you sang that song in front of her!"

"What song? You can't say _Cunt in Canada_?"

"Un!"

"You gotta say it in French as well! pilerplut, la cunt, president, miteron, (kiss kiss) pepe le pew!"

Hidan's insulting singing and Deidara's yelling at him caused, yet again, Kakuzu and Sasori stared at the two of them, eyebrows, one of them made out of fake acrylic fur with strands long enough to pass as hair, the other... normal eyebrow hair. (Thats Kakuzu). Hidan was waving around his headband and Deidara looked rather like a schoolgirl telling him off. As the singing got louder, the more bizarre the pair of them got. After singing a lot of Kevin Bloody Wilson's top songs, the Konoha national anthem, it went from that to Snow White and the seven dwarf's song "Heigh-ho" then to "Teletubbies" (backwards) and currently...

"..._You know the closer you get to something, the tougher it is to see it_..." Hidan swayed, both men with their arms over eachothers shoulders.

"_And I'll never take it for granted_!"

"_..._Whats the next line... is it_, 'again and again and again_?'"

"Yeah, something like that. It sounds like it, un."

"It does... until you read the subtitles then you realize, "what the fuck!? The first verse is in Japanese, then they repeat the verse again when me and 'Kuzu come in prancing around with super fucking ducking awesome camera shots, in English!"'

Kakuzu and Sasori stared at them.

"Will they ever shut up?" Sasori shook his head. "Come on, I think we should knock them out before Deidara starts slobbering everything with his hands."

"Good point," Kakuzu got up, Sasori behind him, and strode right up to the two who were making a racket by out-of-tune singing. They had scared the other occupants of the bar off already. The bartender told them to leave, but they didn't hear him.

"Deidara, Hidan-" Sasori started to say.

"Danna!" To Sasori's surprise, his face was engulfed in blonde hair. "Wanna drink?"

"No." said Sasori shortly. "We're leaving in a couple of minutes." Deidara looked up, not letting go.

"But... but..."

"What the fuck? Why!?" Hidan was angry. "I was enjoying myself tonight!"

"Shut up." The 30-something year old who was currently in a 15-year old's body snapped, "You're making a racket. No one wants to hear the new Naruto Shippuuden opening theme song, even though its the current Opening song."

"Hmph. Whatever, asshole." Hidan took his drink from the table and gave it to Sasori. "We're not leaving until you drink."

"No."

Deidara nodded his head furiously. "Do it!"

"No."

"Oh come on."

"No."

"Have you ever drank before Danna?"

"No."

Hidan pushed Deidara out the way and leered at Sasori. "Do it, or I'll kill you, got it?" He paused and adjusted the lights above for the extra effect and contrast.

Sasori sighed at them both. Fine then.

He took the glass and drained it in one gulp. He couldn't feel a thing, until-

"Ewwww! Gross!"

Deidara screamed.

"Danna! You pissed all over yourself!"

Sasori put the glass down. The liquid had seeped all over his neck, being a puppet, he needed those parts to move his neck, not eat or drink. Kakuzu, knowing Sasori longer than the two of the other members of Akatsuki, knew this was going to happen. He knew Deidara and Hidan acted pretty silly tonight, which meant they wouldn't be able to remember what happened in the morning.

_9 and a half hours later_

"Good Morning, starshine! The earth says... hello!"

"Hidan. Shut up. Or I'll kill you."


End file.
